Every once in a while, something comes along and really irks me. Sometimes, it's something relatively arbitrary, and other times, my state of irked-ness stems from a worthwhile concern.
An issue came up at school surrounding the "I Heart Boobies" bracelets that just so happen to be wildly popular among my middle school male students, (shocker!) It was stated that as part of our school dress code, these bracelets would not be allowed in school.
A parent expressed her dismay at our school infringing on her son's freedom of speech, saying that wearing the bracelet was a way of exercising his constitutional right. I posted a question about this on Facebook to test the waters and get a sense if whether my state of irkedness was unique, or did others agree. Here's how the conversation went...
What do you think of the "I heart boobies" bracelets? They're popular among my middle school male students and make female students uncomfortable. One parent made this a freedom of speech issue, saying middle school boys are showing their support for breast cancer. Thoughts?
- Emily Jensen I ♥ Boobies.9 hours ago · · 1
Kiersten Gwozdz Murphy From what I have seen on the news the I Heart Boobies bracelets aren't tied into any charitable organization. Suggest they find out who benefits. Then Walk For The Cure instead.9 hours ago via mobile ·
Meghan Holland McDonald Thanks Kiersten! I suggested the kids wear pink ribbons.... I wonder what they would say at Emma? :)
Nicolas Roussel Nearly a year ago, Randall Munroe (scientist and cartoonist whose fiancée was diagnosed with and cured of breast cancer) had a very relevant thought he shared on Google +:
"The frustrating thing about the "Save the Boobies" campaign and similar things (like the "Booberday" meme going around G+) is that they get it exactly backward. Often, the point of breast cancer treatment is to destroy some or all of the boobies in order to save the woman.
Saying that we should work to cure this disease because it threatens breasts is really upsetting. For starters, it suggests that women are worth saving because they're attached to breasts, rather than the other way around. But worse, it tells any woman who's had a mastectomy to try to save her life that she's lost the thing that made people care about her survival. What a punch in the stomach."
I agree with him and think of those bracelets as missing part of the point. Raising awareness is really important, but we have to be careful about how we do it. If it makes young girls uncomfortable, it's worth thinking about and regulating. Another aspect I find strange is that it's partly a tongue-in-cheek statement about "boys will be boys, look at this accessory that makes me literally wear my heterosexual libido on my sleeve", which in my opinion doesn't send the right message about what it's like to be a teenage boy respectful of himself and others.
That being said, if this is the absolute only way to get people to care about cancer and raise funds and visibility for research, it may be a necessary faux pas, if not an outright necessary evil.
Kiersten Gwozdz Murphy Btw. Kids in our district can't wear those gummie brackets. School said to stop germ sharing and they are considered a toy. Maybe this is similiar?
Meghan Holland McDonald Merci Nico! Well put. Going to share all of this with my colleagues and some parents.9 hours ago via mobile ·
Lily Mason Can they show their support for breast cancer in a way that doesn't make other people feel dehumanized?9 hours ago · · 3
Lily Mason You know, the more I think about it, the more this bugs me. It's so clearly a way for kids to get away with saying boobies. Imagine someone made a bracelet that said "Save the f*cking whales". Dudes would be all OVER that. And they wouldn't necessarily care about whales. They'd just be excited to wear the F word to school and pretend it's ok because they're acting like they're civically minded. And if you asked them to take the F word off, I'm betting the concern about whales would totally disappear. Show me a group of boys who are actually concerned about breast cancer, and I'll show you a group of boys who are happy to wear pink ribbons to school instead. I'd be really interested to know if a boy whose mother was fighting breast cancer would be ok with that bracelet.8 hours ago · · 2
Meghan Holland McDonald I totally agree with you Lily. In the end, if a person is really supporting the cause, boobies are not the issue, a woman's life is the issue. I wish I didn't have to point this out to parents. It's also a way for boys to posture and show that they're not gay... A whole other issue in itself.
Nicolas Roussel It's all about the means and the end. In itself, the bracelet is probably worn for the wrong reasons and has undesirable side effects. On the other hand, it does keep the subject alive in the public space, visible for those who would come to care or do their bit of research.
Is the added visibility worth the misguided approach and collateral damage? I believe that is the central question.
No doubt an overwhelming majority of the kids will have little to no actual concern about breast cancer, but would it be better to ban the bracelets and usher the matter a bit farther away from the spotlight?
The obvious good answer would be, as you suggested, to have a way to show support without objectifying the opposite gender. The unfortunate caveat being that a less transgressive means of expression will probably have less success and therefore bring less attention to the cause.8 hours ago · · 1
Kate Lang Litton It irks me too. Just another way to objectify women, and in the name of a potentially fatal disease. Shame. And bad example to young men, and a terrible thing to make young women feel (even more) objectified in school.
Sarah A. Mones Friedman Meghan, we have the same issue in our middle school. I've even seen t-shirts that say I ♥ boobies (off campus) Its a shame that kids wear them as a fad to fit in, or show their dominance- its not just boys though, we have girls wearing them as a way to show their overt sexuality as well.
I like Keirstens idea, they're germie, lets ban them. The worst is how many are not even connected to raising money to support breast cancer research. Most are knock offs sold at Zumies, etc.
In the classroom, Id say we have the right to take them away if a student is outwardly making a big deal about it. Problem is, most kids will not come forward if they are feeling uncomfortable for fear of ridicule.
I think the germ thing is the way to approach it, so as not to step on any "voices."8 hours ago via mobile ·
Heather Odell-Fey Well yeah. They're surely not wearing them to support breast cancer. I'm not sure there's much you can do about it unless all faculty unite against asking students to remove them. We have them in our school, too. Maybe the problem lies with the manufacturer. Why make them in the firt place?
Kelis Anders I think Middle School Boys are acting the the way middle school boys do. Obviously the creators of these bracelets did it to attract attention.
Kelis Anders Parents aren't all the same--so we shouldn't expect all children to be the same. Maybe we should make a supporting bracelet in support of testicular cancer or maybe even vasectomies.5 hours ago · · 1
Meghan Holland McDonald I often ask my students what message they want to send the world about themselves in the way they act, work, speak, treat friends, ignore or pay attention to things around them. By saying boys will be boys, we miss an opportunity for growth and self-awareness and lower our expectations of boys. The profits of these bracelets go back into making more bracelets and into the pockets of their makers. That's it. I want my students to stand for meaningful causes that inspire them. I think this is a good opportunity for a deeper conversation.
Nicolas Roussel Teachers actually caring about teaching valuable lessons... Why don't we have those in France?
Kelis Anders Meg, would you feel the same way if the students were wearing those WWJD bracelets that were so popular some years back. I also hated those bracelets so much--but for different reasons of course.
Meghan Holland McDonald I don't have a problem with WWJD bracelets, or yarmulkes or kufis. There's no outward objectification of women's bodies from these.4 hours ago via mobile ·
Kelis Anders Oh sorry, I didn't know that it was only the objectification women's bodies that was the issue--I thought it was making other people uncomfortable and people wearing their opinions on thier sleeves or wrist in this case.
Kelis Anders Regardless, it is absolutely amazing and wonderful that you are evening thinking about these issues. You are the gift to those students.4 hours ago · · 1
Meghan Holland McDonald Thanks Kelis! Being a school counselor is a pretty good gig.4 hours ago via mobile ·
Kathleen Hanna I think I support breast cancer research is better, though not cool3 hours ago · · 1
Ortiz De Sykes Korina Is this what I have to look forward to in 12 years?? Can I skip this part? :)about an hour ago via mobile ·
Liz Maione I agree with a lot of what was already (eloquently) said here. Meghan, I miss you; what a wonderful counselor you are!!! Sending you a gros bisou from PBHS.
